The Marriage God Wants
Ephesians 5:22-33
Introduction.
Quotes on marriage:
Rita Rudner: “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
Jerry Seinfeld: “Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.”
Socrates: “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
G. K. Chesterton: “Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.”
Groucho Marx: “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”
By contrast, the Bible says some things about marriage, too.
Prov. 21:19, “Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.”
Prov. 25:24, “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.”
Prov. 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”
Prov. 19:14, “Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”
Marriage is when two people from different backgrounds decide to spend the rest of their lives together.
How different those backgrounds are depends on a lot of variables.
What culture (nationality, ethnicity, religion, rich/poor, education) did they grow up in?
What traditions did you have growing up? What traditions would you like to continue?
The more diverse the background, the more potential for conflict there is.
Here are some rules that the Bible gives us concerning marriage (Eph. 5:22-33).
Submission (5:22-24).
Sacrifice (5:25, 28-30)
Sanctification (5:26-27).
Body.
Submission (5:22-24).
In our culture today, submission has become an ugly word, but really it’s so important to living a happy life.
We are all to be submissive to someone.
We are to submit to the law (Rom. 13:1).
We are to submit to our parents (Eph. 6:1).
In the church, we are to submit to our elders (1 Pet. 5:5).
And we are all to submit “to one another in the fear of God” (Eph. 5:21).
In all group efforts, someone has to have the last word.
In our government, it typically rests with the majority.
In the church, it rests with our elders.
In the home it rests on the parents, and ultimately on the father.
Between a husband and wife, it rests with the husband no matter the age or education level.
Instead of fighting or being contentious, when one submits to the other, progress can be made.
Amos, in stating a proverb, asks the question: “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3).
Think about that, if two people are walking together, they at least agree on one thing, right?
But when you get two or more people together there will always be disagreements—we have minds of our own.
When you got married, ladies, you agreed to defer final judgment to your husband—he needs to be the king of his castle.
You two have become one flesh, and you should act like it (5:31).
But at the same time, he is to love you as Christ loved the church.
Sacrifice (5:25, 28-30).
While submission may be difficult…
It is less difficult when you are submitting to a man who loves you and is willing to do anything for you.
He needs to be the king of his castle, but she needs to be the queen.
He is to love her and be willing to give himself for her.
In that way, Paul compares Christ and the church with a husband and his wife.
Christ is the head of the church, yes, but He did everything for her.
He went through immense pain and sacrifice for her.
He died for her.
He provides for her, protects her, and guides her.
He forgives her of her trespasses.
Human beings often tend to be selfish or self-centered.
Having a family teaches you not to be selfish.
You’re willing to do anything for the ones you love, spouse & children.
You hear the cry of a child, so you get up from your sleep or whatever else you’re doing.
You might leave a job you love for a job that pays more to provide for your family.
You don’t mind being elbow-deep in diapers because you love your child.
As you get older, you still don’t mind it because you love your spouse.
Being in a family teaches you about the selfless love of Christ.
While being the head of the household, we are to treat our wives as Christ treats us.
Christ commands us, but His commandments are not burdensome (1 John 5:3).
He usually commands us through an appeal for love’s sake (Phm 8-9).
And just as elders, as stewards of Christ, are not to lord over the flock, husbands are not to lord over their wives (1 Pet. 5:2-3).
While he must be willing to sacrifice for her, there is something he must do that is even more meaningful.
Sanctification (5:26-27).
The husband has the spiritual authority in the home.
Christ wants to present His church to the Father, holy and pure (1 Cor. 15:24).
Ministers and elders are to warn and preach to present men to be perfect in Christ (Col. 1:28).
In like manner, the husband is responsible for his wife’s spiritual health.
He is to work to sanctify his wife, to present her as Christ will present the church at Judgment.
He is to help her get to heaven and to guide the family there, too.
What if the husband is not a Christian or shirks his spiritual responsibilities?
In 1 Cor. 7, Paul urges you not to leave your unbelieving spouse (1 Cor. 7:14).
Then he says why a few verses later—there is the potential to save your unbelieving spouse (1 Cor. 7:16).
Later Peter tells wives how to act around their unbelieving husbands (1 Pet. 3:1-2).
Be the best Christian wife you can be, and you might be instrumental in converting your husband without a word.
Is that a guarantee? No, but it’s much more likely than if you’re not.
Here is the story of Willie Fayette and her husband Al.
Willie, a Christian young lady, married a non-Christian man named Al. He hated church and church people. His language was offensive and bitter, even in front of their children and visitors. Willie eventually stopped asking Al to go to church with her, but she and the kids never missed. At home she went out of her way to be a kind and thoughtful wife.
With no spiritual leadership from Al, Willie decided meals would not be eaten unless they first offered thanks, and she led the prayers. She subscribed to a Christian magazine with daily devotionals and read them aloud at the breakfast table every morning. Al tolerated it with a frown, trying to ignore it.
One day their son, seeing a baptism at services, went home and asked his father if he had been baptized. Al’s reply was coldly negative. But apparently the boy’s question was not forgotten. Soon Al volunteered to go to church on Sunday mornings only.
One Sunday during the invitation, Al noticed Willie weeping. Later Al asked why. She told him, “You’ve taken out a life insurance policy to take care of us if you die. You’ve assigned your eyes to be donated so others could see when you’re dead. You’ve donated your body to Tulane Medical School for research to help others when you’re gone. You’ve taken care of everything but your soul, and you wonder why I’m crying!”
That was enough. Shortly after that, Al was baptized. He went through quite a struggle to quit cussing, but he became a daily Bible reader and never missed a service. He made such amazing strides, that he was later asked to superviese a Bible school. In retirement, he worked diligently in correspondence courses and in a prison ministry in Mississippi.
There are many stories like this, but also many others in the other direction.
This is why you must remain strong in the faith, because one day… well, you never know. They might just obey the gospel.
Conclusion.
Marriage is hard work.
If anyone told you differently, they were selling you something.
But the rewards are so worth it.
You will have a happy and peaceful home, leaving a good example for your children.
And if you can have a happy, healthy marriage, well, Solomon, while not talking about marriage per se, does say something about that (Eccl. 4:9, 10, 12).
Marriage takes submission and sacrifice for both parties.
Let us not forget how Paul closes this out (5:33).
He is telling husbands what he tells everyone: “To love your neighbor as yourself.”
Surely, our wives are our neighbors and worthy of love.
It’s not always easy to remember to do because of our tendency to take them for granted.
And wives, it’s not always easy to respect a man whose faults you know and see every day.
And let us not forget the sanctification, the spiritual aspect of all of this.
If you want to lead your family to heaven, obey the gospel today.